Don't Kiss Him

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a stranger and seen familiarity? You may only spend moments with this person but you are somehow capable of scanning the depths of their soul. You can identify their struggles, their hopes, their dreams. You can feel their heartache for it is similar to your own.
The conversation may be witty and yet stale, but it is only because you're to busy being physical. Take a break, step away from his shell and look into his eyes. Just look at them and don't lose contact. He's telling you something. Don't get distracted by the thumping bass of the bar band. Don't get distracted by the inebriated by standers. Don't get distracted by the size of his biceps or the fact that he's a man and not a boy. Don't get distracted. Just look into his eyes, he knows you. He can see what you see and its scary, it's unreal. But don't look away. No matter what, do not look away. Grab his face and dive into his pupils. Swim in the streams of his soul. Get lost in the connection and become his muse. He's surfing through the waves of your psyche, let him. Fascinate him with your intellect. Talk to him. But don't kiss him. Don't let him put his lips on yours. No matter how bad you both want to, don't do it. Don't do it because it will be too wonderful. It will feel too right. It will make your heart palpitate at an unhealthy rate. Oxytocin is too powerful, do not let him grab you or hold you. Just don't. You will love every second of it. You will be blinded by the madness of his affection. Everything else will disappear and you will lose yourself. It will be absolutely magical, and then it will end. The night will cease and separation will commence. Although you are hopeful for some kind of future with this person, the reality is that you live in a whole different state and you will more than likely never see him again and as much as you don't want to lose him its kind of too late. You can try to reconnect but it probably won't work, he's too busy being him and you're too busy being you, and both of you are feeling blue. So don't kiss him. Just look into eyes, talk to him. Show him how witty and wonderful you are. Sing him a song or tell him a joke, but don't kiss him. Because it hurts. It feels really really good but then it just hurts.

How to Live

The street lights blur as I drive down Seventh Street. A cool pacific breeze feathers my lightly curled hair. My stereo roars with excitement as I lose myself in its melodies. The sweet anticipation of drowning in a sea of blankets, eyes glued to the comedic scenes and witty banter coming from the television screen. Finally a chance to breathe, a chance to escape from the endless chaos of my mediocre life. 

Days off are rare. The pressure to always perform at the best of your ability can be trying. You feel as if you're giving your all but still they demand more. Time is precious and they are asking for all of it. You never realized you could be spread so thin and yet still be alive. But what does it even mean to be alive? Is it simply to breathe, to have a pulse?

 To live, to be alive, is far more than the synchronicity of vulnerable organs. To be alive is to be an attribute, a testimony of the conquistadors who surpassed the struggles that so often lead to death. To be alive is to feel emotion. Is to get angry when you see the negative outcomes of nuclear warfare, or the brutality of children bullying, or grown men sacrificing the success of others to achieve monetary fortune.

 To live is to fall in love. To get your emotions all twisted up like a ball of string being chased by an apathetic cat, just passing the time. To feel the flutter of Oxytocin streaming through your veins with the slightest brush against his skin. You feel like your falling. You feel like you're flying. You feel alive. 

To live is to grow. To see yourself change each time you look in a mirror. It is to learn. To learn from others. To learn from God. To learn from yourself. To live is to explore. To challenge yourself to be something more than what you are so obviously settling for. 

To live is to struggle. To lose. To pinch every penny. To be hungry and tired. To give your all and get no appreciation at all. To live is to hurt. 

To live is to strive. To bask in the rays of your success. Hard work does pay off. But am I trying hard enough?

To live is to question. To answer. To become. To explore.